is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
