HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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