is your mom at the bar?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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