when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
