Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I just shit out all my problems.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
