walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
