Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
