you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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