White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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