can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
