I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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