How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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