I look better un-naked...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need water and some morals
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
