...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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