oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
