Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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