It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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