I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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