OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
