Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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