I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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