I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
