u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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