My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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