Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
