It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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