she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
