He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
