Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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