she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
