I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
