I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
