Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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