I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
