I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
