Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
