who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
