i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she told me i tasted like america
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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