i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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