Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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