a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
