Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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