as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
