Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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