You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
