I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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