I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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