And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
