Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
