Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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