I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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