you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
