1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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